#self‑insert: clawed heron (ardea)

[flowering-darkness]

sentinels of the starry skies

Today, the 27th of May, marks the 39th anniversary of the Dragon Quest series - and, while I only selfship in (and have played!) the ninth game specifically, it's a series that still means a very great deal to me and some of my closest friends. So I really wanted to render something involving my DQIX self-insert, as well as my selfship with Pavo, to commemorate the series' anniversary!!

(comments/reblogs are appreciated, but never required!)

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Here is my piece for today, which is the twenty-sixth day of the month! It's just a little thing featuring Pavo and my self-insert Ardea - I know that Ardea's reference model is still in-progress, but it works for the moment! I played around a lot with effects and stuff for this, so hopefully it looks okay, it's just a simple little piece I had fun messing about with ^-^

Tag list: @catake | @vampking | @wazzuppy | @cherry-bomb-ships | @call--me--home | @xenobabble | @beeon | @coralward | @crosshairswife | @pandapup | @altamont498 | @mercuryships | @lemonloven (to be tagged in what I make, please see this post!)

Comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay, and appreciated, but are by no means required!~

[flowering-darkness]

oh also (poll at the end of the post)

I know I literally just made a render with Ardea, but I'm sort of tempted to give her a new outfit again.

The outfit that she currently has works, but the problem I'm realising I have with it is that the main part is actually a costume piece from a pre-existing Dragon Quest character (Ashlynn), and.. I kind of don't like that.

There are a few other items that have similar vibes, but I can't really decide which one I want to go with. I think they can all work with Ardea's intended characterisation as a fast and fierce martial artist; I haven't yet decided if I want to switch out any of the other pieces, but that would add even more potential options to have to choose from..

Thanks for helping me decide, if you voted on the poll! And, also, for taking the time to read this if you have!

[flowering-darkness]

thrilled to announce I am working on something that I will attempt to get done in time

have a preview 'cause I can't help myself

AAAAH I ALMOST FORGOT IT WAS DRAGON QUEST DAY

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..I'm not sure how else to format this other than like a changelog, and today is Hatsune Miku's birthday, so.. I suppose pretending things are software that has just been updated will do for the moment. I have been feeling a bit like a robot recently at times, so it's only fitting.

"31-08-22 Changelog":

Reworked the selfship information carrd to free up some more elements, so that hopefully I can make it look how I want to when I'm less tired. No information is changed, but please feel free to come and have a read if you'd like!

Cleared inbox due to ask stagnation and inability to come up with answers, plus subsequent guilt. If those who sent the asks really did want them to be answered, you are definitely welcome to resend the asks.

Finally added images for Camille after completing her reference model, plus a reference model render for Ardea, onto my self-insert information carrd. Ardea's reference model is definitely not finished yet outfit-wise, but I like how the render turned out.

Updated Aria's images on the self-insert information carrd to reflect the fact she has a mask again now, even post-KH3. It's just something that feels right for her design; having a mask or scarf on is often a bit of a comfort for me in a way, so that reflects that!

Although I don't have anything particularly directly selfship-related to show, I hope it's alright if I post some of the self-insert renders I've made, as I've found that they have been a helpful distraction to make recently.

I hope that everyone has been well, and I hope to be able to create more selfshipping content soon ^~^

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What Can and Cannot Return

In a quiet moment shared while Pavo is healing Ardea’s combat injuries, the two share a nervous exchange about Ardea’s loss of her Celestrian powers in the face of the fact that Pavo still retains hers. (1091 words)

tag list: @thatslikesometaldude | @garchompp | @beeon | @tex-treasures | @catake | @tartaglialovemail | @catcao | @vilehusband | @dragonsmooch | @childrenofmeyneth | @lilacslovers | @blackbirdcrime | @kalliopi-ships | @strawberryshipz (to be tagged in what I make, please click here!)

Here is my piece for the twenty-sixth day of sapphic September - I was originally going to portray the scene as a render using MMD, but the models just were not cooperating nicely, so I spat out this little bit of writing instead. I hope it's still alright, even if it may or may not have been slightly rushed, haha!~

Comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay, and appreciated, but are by no means required! If the link to the document doesn't work properly, then there is also a transcript of it under the readmore.

“..Do you mean it, when you say it does not faze you?”

It was a quiet and peaceful night as the two young women sat next to the flickering campfire. Although the party had been too tired from fighting to travel any further that day, the faint glow of torches - and with them, people - could be seen on the edge of the horizon; they would be able to properly rest in an inn soon, but for the moment, they had to make do in the open air for another night. A short distance away from the pair, a girl with bright teal hair was curled up in sleep with her extravagant dress blanketing her in a thousand colours, while a much taller individual was resting with their back to a tree stump, and even now their spear and knife still lay within easy reach.

The question was not an accusatory one, instead settling quietly into the scene, but it still made the blonde-haired girl look away and out into the darkness for a moment. She was dressed in the textbook attire of a martial artist, with a red and gold top emblazoned with the logo of a dragon over a fitted black shirt and slick slacks. Her hands were wrapped with black fabric, and the kite’s claws they usually carried were tucked away safely in her equipment bag. Her left arm was raised and in the grasp of the other girl, whose short white hair fell over her face slightly as a glow of teal magic emanated from her palms.

“What do you mean by that?” asked the martial artist, whose gaze had now flickered back to her partner.

“I believe you know what I refer to, Ardea.” she replied, still focusing on healing the wound on Ardea’s arm. It was not a serious injury, and even now was healing rapidly thanks to her spells, but it was nevertheless something that required attention. “The fact that we once shared the same abilities, and now, you have lost what you once wielded as second nature.”

“Mmm..” was all that Ardea said in response, glancing over to check that the other two were definitely asleep before continuing. “Well, it’s true that it was difficult to adapt to at the beginning, but.. We’ve come quite far now, haven’t we? So I’ve had time to adjust to the situation.”

This brought a smile to Pavo’s face, but there was still a sense of unease in her expression. “So, it is not true that you are.. jealous of me, or- anything of the sort?”

“What?” At this, Ardea turned around with a start, causing Pavo to lose hold of her arm. “Ah- My apologies!”

“Do not worry - I had already dealt with your injuries.”

“Ah, yes, I realise that now.. Thank you kindly..” Ardea muttered, moving her now woundless arm without difficulty. Then she returned to the matter at hand. “But, Pavo, whatever do you mean?”

The Celestrian looked away at this, and her wings instinctively curled closer to her body in a large sheet of white feathers. “It is just that.. You have lost the ability to use any of the magic of Celestrians, as well as both your wings and your halo, and the boons that they bestow upon you. When we happened across the carriage of the Starflight Express in that forest, it did not even react to your presence at first. Thankfully, the benevolessence we have acquired by you offering our assistance to those in peril has restored that final aspect, but.. not any of your other abilities."

She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, then continued before Ardea could interject.

"As for myself, on the other hand.. Though the long time I have spent upon the Protectorate has weakened my connection to the Observatory, and rendered my presence visible to mortals, all other characteristics that Celestrians bear, I have retained. The story we tell that I am a mortal sage appears satisfactory to explain my powers, at least to our adventuring companions-” - she glanced over at the sleeping pair upon saying this - “-it nevertheless does not change the fact that I wield my powers on a regular basis in combat, as I have always done since my teacher imparted these skills to me, while you have had to take on an entirely unfamiliar vocation in order to maintain appearances. So, at times, I have feared that you having to witness me freely use the selfsame powers you once shared, yet no longer can use, would perhaps be unfair.."

An expression of surprise mixed with confusion clouded Ardea’s face. "Pavo, I- I don't understand.. How long have you felt this way?"

"..It was not a recent fear." she admitted.

"Oh, in the name of the Almighty-“ In one movement, Ardea had shifted her position and launched herself with considerable vigour into the unsuspecting arms of her girlfriend. Pavo’s brief sounds of uncertainly were quickly dulled, and she instinctively clung to Ardea in return.

“Angel, listen to me for a moment, please. That is not at all how I feel, and it never has been, either - if anything, seeing you use your Celestrian abilities is part of what motivates me to find a way to get mine back. Besides, I haven't lost everything - my reflexes and agility are still leagues above those of the mortals, regardless of not having wings anymore. Isn't that right?"

"..Yes, I suppose that is very true."

"And, anyway," she continued, "I still think of myself as a Celestrian, because I am. That's what I have always been, and that will never change, regardless of what happens to me. The same is true for you, too - even after we ascend to the Realm of the Almighty, we will still be Celestrians, no matter what becomes of us. And we will still be together, too, no matter what becomes of us. Does that help?"

"Ah, that.. That does bring some relief, I admit." She turned to face the campfire with a soft and grateful smile. "Thank you, Ardea, my love. I truly appreciate your words.."

"It's never a problem, angel. I'm just sorry I didn't realise you felt that way, so I could help sort things out earlier on."

"Please, do not worry. I apologise for not confiding in you before now." she replied.

"There's no need to worry about that now, Pavo. Come on, let's get some rest."

And as the moon shone overhead, the pair settled comfortably into each other's embrace to rest by the fire.

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“You know, Pavo, I really don’t think the other two would mind if you told them what you were.” “..That may well be correct, and yet.. I still do not feel comfortable admitting such to them. Regardless, I- I appreciate your assistance, with helping me care for my wings in this way.” “Hehe.. Any time, angel.”

tag list: @dragonsmooch | @childrenofmeyneth | @catake | @thatslikesometaldude | @tex-treasures | @blackbirdcrime | @kalliopi-ships | @tartaglialovemail | @garchompp | @beeon | @lilacslovers | @vilehusband | @strawberryshipz (to be added to this list, please click here!)

This is my piece for the seventh day of sapphic September - I’ve made it a week in, yay! - showing my self-insert Ardea helping Pavo brush out her wing feathers. I created it with the “intimacy” prompt given by @sapphicseptemberhub in mind, since I like to think a Celestrian’s wings are something very personal to them, and they don’t usually allow many (or any) others to touch them.

Reblogs of this post are appreciated, but by no means required! I also had to construct both of our reference models myself (since Pavo only has a sprite in her source game), so I’ve included some clearer looks at both of them under the readmore!

So, putting together Pavo’s reference model was probably trickier than Ardea’s, mainly because I didn’t know how well I could actually make her look like Pavo in the styles of MMD models I’m most familiar with. But, it turns out someone had ported the character models from Dragon Quest XI into MMD, so I was able to use those as a basis, and for being a rather hasty construction I think it ended up being okay? Here is a comparison between the model I put together to represent her, and her official art from her source:

The fact she doesn’t have her halo is deliberate even if it doesn’t completely match canon, since I’m pretty sure her source game (Dragon Quest IX) establishes that having the halo is what hides Celestrians from mortal perception. But I want her to make friends have a bigger role in the story, so I say that that trait has waned as a result of her spending so long on the Protectorate.

Then, here is the reference model I made for Ardea, compared to how she looks in DQIX itself. Her model isn’t finished yet (mainly since I forgot to give her any shoes, but then she’s kneeling on a bed in the render I made above so I guess it makes sense she isn’t wearing any on there), and my appearance in-game also keeps changing, but.. since she’s supposed to be a martial artist and everything she’s currently wearing is exclusive to the martial artist vocation in-game, I figured it made sense to keep that as her outfit for the time being. She wants to make sure she looks the part of what she’s meant to be so she can fit in better around other people, after all.

Thank you to anyone who has seen all this! It means a lot ^-^

[moved-to-void-kissed]

I have a lot of song lyrics I like that I want to try and associate with my selfships, but can never figure out how to, or which ones fit them best. However, I've just found a way to associate one - namely, the final chorus of Those Who Carried On, by GHOST:

"So after all these years, they remained a form of art - 'cause they had problems from the start; though they acted on a dare, there's nothing stopping them, so beware"

That's, perhaps surprisingly, Pavo and Ardea

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Today’s random selfship-related fact is:

After losing her halo, Pavo got into the habit of holding her wings so they look more like a cape when around mortals. This can sometimes lead to them getting brushed against and ruffled up by people who assume they’re just part of her outfit, so Ardea often takes the time to help Pavo smooth out her feathers, whenever the two are able to be alone and Pavo can stretch her wings out.

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Today’s random selfship-related fact is:

Pavo and Ardea intended to explore the Protectorate as a pair, and it was only as a result of the monsters there being too strong for them that they ended up recruiting two other wandering adventurers to come with them on their journey. Despite not confiding in either of them about their true natures as Celestrians, both Avalon and Iris could instantly tell that the two were fond of each other, and neither was surprised when they ended up falling in love.

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..In attempting to answer asks, I have had a thought. It’s almost two o’clock in the morning, so it’s not a particularly coherent thought, but  it’s a thought nonetheless. Possibly multiple, in fact.

It also, in typical me fashion, ended up being comprised of a lot of rambling, so it’s gone under the readmore.

TLDR: trying to sort out the problem of Pavo being invisible, plus my attempts to explain how bits of DQIX work for those who don’t know the game

DQIX establishes that Celestrians (who are essentially your stereotypical “guardian angels”) cannot be seen by living humans - only by monsters, animals, and ghosts who have yet to pass on. However, it specifically seems to be their halos that give them this property, since when Corvus is recovering from his injuries in Wormwood Creek, he still has his wings and most of his powers (unlike the player, who loses pretty much everything Celestrian about them other than the ability to see ghosts), but is very much visible to the people of the town despite that. The only thing that’s not there is his halo (it’s there in the scene where Serena first finds him, but not in any of the ones after that, so it being there for that very first moment was probably an oversight).

Now, Pavo and Ardea are both Celestrians, but Ardea lost her wings and halo in the process of falling through the sky down to the world below after the Observatory was attacked. In the game, Pavo always resides in the Quester’s Rest, where she opens the Rapportal from - but, in my version of events (because canon can be whatever I make of it), she joins Ardea on an adventure across the Protectorate instead, in order to locate Aquila. There is perhaps a slightly-obvious problem in this, namely that - as a Celestrian - nobody other than Ardea would actually be able to see Pavo unless she had also lost her halo.

..The first solution that came to mind for how to somehow get Pavo to lose her halo is that her halo is the Rapportal. I think that might be a bit too silly though. My other thought is that Pavo loses her halo, or at least its ability to keep her hidden from mortal perception, because she has spent so long down in the Protectorate without returning to the Observatory, so it’s like her proper full powers and Celestrian aspects have waned or something?

Though, to my knowledge, it’s never actually made clear why Pavo remains in the Protectorate from a story perspective (the actual reason is just “so that you can always access multiplayer”), so.. it could even be that she’s a “fallen” Celestrian for some reason, just in a much lesser capacity than your typical evil fallen angel. She does talk about being the only one of the Celestrians to “dare to defy fate” or something by opening the Rapportal; maybe that act is why she is deemed as being “fallen”, therefore losing her halo (or at least some of its powers) and being rendered visible to mortals, and why she never returns or ascends to become a star.

(I’m also still not 100% sure whether I do actually want Ardea to lose her wings, because hello having wings is very very cool and would also suit the fact that she’s supposed to have very high agility. However, from a reasonable perspective of blending in with humans, it would definitely make more sense for her to lose them, especially since - unlike with Pavo, whose wings are viewed by mortals as a cape thanks to her own magic - Ardea can’t actually cast spells due to losing some of her powers.)

Anyway, I’m very tired and I spent a lot longer writing this out than I should have. ..I didn’t really end up getting to a particular point with it, either, but maybe if anyone figured out what I was trying to say (’cause I sure can’t .w.) then they’re welcome to comment on what they think.

Thank you to anyone who’s read all this, though, and  hopefully it makes at least some semblance of sense!

[moved-to-void-kissed]

okay, some updates!!

After toying around with some of the potential names I came up with earlier, I think I’m most liking Ardea - meaning “heron” - as the name for my DQIX self-insert. I felt that either that or Selenidera (a genus of toucanets) fit best, but that doesn’t actually fit into the in-game character limit, and it is also a bit clunky as a name (especially since I can’t think of a neat way to shorten it like I did with Telanthera)

This is the design I settled on for her - the models from this game usually look very pixelated in screenshots, but I was actually able to find a special version of the emulator I use to make the game look a lot nicer, so I was able to take a screenshot! Her outfit is by no means final since I’ve literally only just started this savefile, but this is what she looks like!!

Normally the player doesn’t have their wings after a very early story event, but I’m still hesitant on whether to write in a reason for Ardea keeping her wings, so that’s why I used her Celestrian form. ..And also because I haven’t decided what vocation or weapon to use yet, since this game has a lot of options for possible playstyles and I enjoy a lot of different ones..

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"COLORBARS" and "The Chattering Lack of Common Sense" for Pavo? (candyforthebrain)

Of course, @candyforthebrain!! Thank you so much for these!! ^-^

TCLOCS is one of my favourite GHOST songs (and it’s actually the character song for an iteration of one of my self-inserts, specifically Camille in her original source!) so I’m really glad I got that one, haha

(question source: “ghost ask game” by ribbitships)

COLORBARS - Is your F/O good at making connections with people? Are they lonely? How does your F/O communicate with others when trying to express themselves? - I mean, on a literal level, creating connections is kind of her thing, because she is the only one able to open the Rapportal that allows Celestrians to cross into other worlds (i.e. she is the one who enables multiplayer in DQIX). Yet, despite her having that ability, Pavo isn’t a particularly well-connected person herself, and you could definitely say that she is very disconnected from her fellow Celestrians by being the only one among them left on the Protectorate after the game is over. She does come across as very lonely in the game, and finds it difficult to express herself in an emotional way through her words.

The Chattering Lack of Common Sense - When it feels like you and your F/O are all that each other have, what do you do to weather the storm? What things do you do to keep each other grounded when it feels like the end of the world? - well, we do definitely experience this feeling while travelling around the Protectorate together, especially given that both Pavo and Ardea are Celestrians whereas every other creature around them is either a regular human, an animal, or a monster (and, when Ardea fell from the Observatory, she hoped that other Celestrians would descend to rescue and return her, but if any had tried to do so, there’s been no trace of them on the Protectorate). So, whenever either of us is feeling this way - probably Pavo more than Ardea since she isn’t particularly close to most people she meets - the main way we make sure we’re there for each other is more affection and staying close to each other as much as we can, to reassure each other that we’re not going anywhere.

I hope that my answers were alright, and thank you so much again for sending these in!~

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4, 7 & 8 for ardea for the s/i ask game? ^^ 💖

Of course, Bee! Thank you very much for these, and sorry they took so long to get to ;w;

(question source: "♡ S/I Ask Meme ♡” by s-e-l-f-s-h-i-p)

..Again, my answers got a bit long, so I hope it’s okay to put them under a readmore.

4. How did your self-insert feel when they first met your F/O(s)? How do they feel about them now? - The first thing she felt when she saw Pavo was surprise, because hello there’s another Celestrian in this random inn I’ve just stumbled into, how are you here, swiftly followed by having no idea how to actually talk to her because she wouldn’t have necessarily been sure whether the other people in the Quester’s Rest would be thinking she’s talking to thin air. So, things were very awkward to begin with =P

Now, though, there’s just this overarching sense of peace and trust above all else - I like to think of this selfship as the type of relationship where we could just be sitting in the same space doing our own things in silence, and yet still be really content? Not really as lovey-dovey, because that’s not what either of our personalities here are like, but  still very close to each other. Ardea trusts Pavo a lot, and she is very grateful to have her as a constant companion for all the time they’ve spent travelling the Protectorate together - and Pavo definitely feels the same way, regardless of whether she makes that particularly outwardly clear.

7. Give us 3 random facts about your self-insert! - okay, hmm.. Ardea hasn’t really been an established character for very long, so I don’t have a ton of miscellaneous things planned for her, but  hopefully these are okay!

Ardea’s name is the Latin word for “heron”, as well as being the scientific name for a genus of herons. This fits the naming convention of all the other Celestrians being named after birds, though unlike most of the other important named Celestrians who are actually met in-game (Pavo, Aquila, Corvus, Columba, Apus Major, etc.), Ardea does not share her name with a constellation named after a bird.

Her preferred hairstyle of wearing all of her hair on top of her head as she does (..I don’t really know what that style is called, which is making it a pain to find something like it for her MMD reference model) causes exactly as many problems with wearing helmets as it looks like it would. She sticks to wearing hairbands and similar headgear because of this.

She has a keen eye for clever puns and wordplay, which is a very well-fitting trait to have in the context of DQIX having a metric ton of those things scattered all throughout the game, but it also means that Stella’s regular ability to misuse every idiom she tries to is a great source of.. something between endearment and irritation for her.

8. Does your self-insert have any kind of powers? - I mean, she sure is supposed to! Being a Celestrian in origin, Ardea is able to activate and ride on the Starflight Express, as well as communicate with spirits of mortals who have yet to fully pass on. She used to be hidden from human perception due to her halo, and also had wings to fly on, and an array of powerful light magic - however, the impact of the attack on the Observatory that caused her to fall through the sky stripped her of those latter three powers. It’s less of a power and more of an ability, but during her time down on the Protectorate, she has also learned how to wield claws for fighting with. Something, something, kite’s claws, bird metaphor.

I hope these answers were okay - thank you so much for sending the questions in!! ^-^

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roller coaster and pick-a-duck for pavo?

Pavo: "I am content to acquiesce. Thank you for enquiring.”

(question source: “Joyful July Ask Meme” by joyfuljuly-circusevent)

Roller Coaster - Are you, or those you’ve come to the festivities with, fans of roller coasters? How well do you handle them? Is there a certain limit to what you can take? - “Neither of us have any qualms with these attractions. In fact, Celestrian’s typical travel between the Protectorate and the Observatory is likely to reach similar speeds to those of a rollercoaster; in addition, we are both well-acquainted to travelling upon the Starlight Express, which.. has a tendency to be driven in a disorganised fashion when the faerie is the one piloting the craft. So, it would not be incorrect to state that both myself and Ardea are used to the nature of rollercoasters and can handle any kind of them with relative ease.”

Pick-A-Duck - Do any of you tend to be competitive when you’re at a carnival? Or would you rather just sit back and relax? - “I do not concern myself with competition, and Ardea is of a similar ilk, though I have witnessed a notable exception to this - namely, that my partner will always seize an opening to demonstrate her skills whenever they are, incorrectly, deemed to be inferior. Whether through following her chosen vocation or vestiges of her Celestrian abilities remaining, I am not certain - but there is one thing that cannot be disputed: in any circumstance where Ardea’s abilities are called into question, as opposed to a well-intentioned challenge offered by another, she will always put the perpetrator firmly in their place. In truth, she can be quite savage in doing so.

..It is my hope that those responses were sufficient. I thank you once more for your inquiry.”

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Noblesse Oblige, Heart of Depth and Emblem of Severed Fate for Ardea??

Sure thing, it's certainly been a while since I talked about her, haha! Thank you very much for sending these in, and also for creating an ask game with such a neat concept as well!! (And sorry that it took so long for me to get to this.. .w.)

(question source: "Genshin Impact Inspired Asks" by camellias-and-coriander - hey, that's you)

Noblesse Oblige: What sort of ideals does your self-insert have? How strong is her resolve to keep to said ideals? Does she ever lose her way? - Like many of her fellow Celestrians, Ardea is driven in her duty to protect the mortal world and collect benevolessence to restore Yggdrasil. This is the main reason why she wants to restore her lost Celestrian powers, so that she can better defend the people of the Protectorate (i.e. the mortal world) from monsters and evil. She has a very strong will and resolve, and is dedicated to what she sets her mind to.

Heart of Depth: Has your self-insert left her home? Did she enjoy travelling, or was she homesick the whole time? Did she have a choice in leaving? - Ardea's home is the celestial Observatory, and she has gone back and forth between it and the Protectorate many times in the past to drive away monsters and bring benevolessence to Yggdrasil. However, her most recent departure from her home was entirely unwanted, because she was thrown off the Observatory after it was attacked by sinister light, losing her Celestrian powers and features in the process. Returning to restore her powers was one of her main motivators on her journey as well as locating Aquila with Pavo, but she was able to cope with it quite well by treating it as an extended mission of sorts, so it ended up being okay.

Emblem of Severed Fate: Are there any skills your self-insert is especially proud of? How did she learn those skills? Would she ever teach others her skills? - Ardea is satisfied with how far she has come with her martial arts over the course of her journey - adapting to fighting without her wings or Celestrian powers was difficult for her initially, but her natural agility and deftness have helped her recover her fighting prowess quickly as she continued to battle the monsters encountered by the party. She wouldn't necessarily be averse to teaching others how she fights, but it is very much a self-developed style and it relies a lot on her speed, so it might be difficult for others (especially mortals) to keep up with.

I hope that all of those answers were alright! Thank you very much again for sending these questions ^-^